This seems to break away from the usual posts about business but these situations happen in business as well, so here goes…
Sometimes there are people you desperately want to help. Desperately. Sadly, they are unwilling to help themselves. Usual saying, “it is what it is.” Truth is, you cannot choose change for another, you can only choose change for yourself. So what then?
Do you abandon this person? Do you continue to try to help? What is your recourse? There are many ways to look at it but at the same time, where you really need to look first is where you are and why you are looking to help.
A lot of times, your reason for helping is ego-based. “I want to help because it will prove I am right.” This reaction is based on validating your feeling about the situation or your opinion and not so much about really helping the person or the situation.
The only way that you are truly helping the situation is if you have a feeling of detachment. That regardless of how it turns out, you will not feel one way or another, not good, not bad. It will be what it will be.
A lot of times we think that we have GOOD intentions with regard to HOW we want to help people but in the end it ends up to be about ourselves. If that is the case, it is not really good, it is self-serving.
I have found myself in this position a number of times. What I do is take a step back and ask myself objectively WHY do I want to help? Don’t listen to your logical mind, feel your visceral reaction to your question. Feel how your body feels when you ask yourself this question. Your gut reaction will never lie to you – unless you end up justifying what it is that you really feel.